Grieving During the Holidays: How to Take Care of Yourself When the Season Feels Heavy

The holidays are often portrayed as a season full of joy, togetherness, and celebration, and not that it's false, those aren't the only feelings coming up for everyone when the holidays approach. It can be more of a dark cloud than some big ass happy garland.

For some like me, this is also a time of grief, heaviness, and emotional overwhelm. Memories of loved ones, disrupted routines, or even the pressure to “be festive” can make the season feel almost unbearable and forced.

My grandma was a festive person. The whole house from the bathroom materials to our sheets and pajamas would match the holiday we're celebrating. My grandma's name should have been Joy. To be introduced to such a light for years and suddenly have that gone is tough. And though she crossed over in 2017, I still breakdown in store when the holidays are coming because from October through December I am reminded that I don't have Joy with me anymore.

If you’re grieving this holiday season, it’s important to know: you’re not doing the holidays wrong. You’re human.

At Not A Bad Life, we believe that self-care and mental wellness should feel approachable, practical, and sometimes even a little fun. So, here’s how you can care for yourself while honoring your emotions?

Why Grief Feels Louder During the Holidays

Grief doesn’t follow the calendar, but the holidays have a way of amplifying it. Traditions, decorations, music, and family gatherings can all trigger memories of those we are at odds with, maybe will never talk to, or who are no longer with us.

One study from the American Psychological Association found that 38% of people experience increased stress during the holidays, and for those who are grieving, that stress can feel even heavier.

Loneliness also tends to spike this time of year. The CDC reports that 1 in 3 adults regularly experience feelings of loneliness, and end-of-year reflection can intensify these emotions. Looking back at what has changed, both losses and missed experiences, can heighten sadness, even amidst the external pressure to celebrate.

Grieving is not something we can stop or even should (another time we can talk about how grieving can sometimes be honoring), but I think we should learn to navigate with and through this heavy thing (idk what to call it yet). One way is to ask yourself what do you need.

Creating Space for What You Need

It’s easy to feel like you have to “perform happiness” just to match the holiday hype. But giving yourself permission to feel your emotions fully is one of the healthiest things you can do. This doesn’t mean letting grief take over your entire life; it means acknowledging it without judgment and finding ways to move gently through it.

Practical strategies can make this easier. For instance, consider creating a new ritual that honors your grief or your own comfort. Lighting a candle, listening to a song that reminds you of someone you miss, writing a letter, or even buying yourself a small treat from notabadlife.shop can help you feel grounded and cared for.

Small, intentional gestures like these activate the brain’s reward system and help balance stress hormones, giving you moments of reprieve from heavy emotions.

Fun, Gentle Ways to Cope

Self-care doesn’t always have to be solemn, it can be fun and silly. A “Mini Joy Scavenger Hunt” is a perfect example: take time to find five small things this week that spark comfort or happiness. Maybe it’s a soft blanket, a favorite snack, a cozy candle, a funny meme, or even a song that makes you exhale. Simple activities like these are a form of nervous system care, they remind your body and mind that joy and grief can coexist.

Another fun, connection-focused option is starting a low-pressure chat with friends, something like a “Holiday Survivors Club.” You don’t need to talk much or even be consistently present. You can drop rituals or memories for comfort. You can drop memes and festive mini plans.

Other ways to cope

Find a Low-Pressure Community Event

Being around people quietly can feel grounding. No pressure to talk, share, or perform.

• Local vendor market
• A soft, cozy community event
• Volunteer 
• Grief circle

• A creative workshop
  

This creates a sense of community that has been shown to protect mental health and reduce feelings of isolation.

Grounding When It Feels Too Much

Sometimes, the world just feels too heavy or you have a breakdown In Five Below, and you need a quick reset. That’s where grounding exercises come in. One gentle technique I made for Not A Bad Life is the Palm Press Pause:

Sit comfortably with your feet flat on the floor. Rest your hands wherever it feels grounding (palms together, on your lap, or on your chest). Take a slow breath in for four seconds, exhale for six, and repeat for three to five breaths. You can whisper or think, “I am here. I am safe. I can take this moment by moment.”

Longer exhales signal your nervous system that it’s safe to relax, and bringing attention to touch or movement keeps your awareness anchored in your body. Pairing this with a short, soothing phrase provides emotional reassurance. This exercise is perfect for quick resets at home, in public, or anywhere the holiday feels heavy.

Finding What Works for You

Ultimately, the best approach is to listen to your own needs. Maybe you choose one tradition to keep, one to skip, and one to reinvent—giving yourself both structure and freedom. Maybe you attend a cozy community event, or simply spend the day at home wrapped in blankets. Maybe you boycott the holidays entirely and buy yourself something special (we fully support this!).

Research consistently shows that social support and small, intentional acts of self-care reduce stress, improve emotional resilience, and even lower physiological markers of grief and anxiety. Whether through quiet rituals, playful self-care, or connection with others, there are countless ways to honor your emotions while navigating the season.

You’re Not Alone

Grief is not a holiday problem, it’s a human experience. This season, give yourself permission to feel, permission to rest, and permission to create your own moments of comfort. Remember: joy and grief can exist side by side, and the small, gentle actions you take for yourself matter.

You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough. This holiday season, let your self-care, rituals, and small connections guide you toward a Not A Bad Life.

✅ Optional Supporting Resources

• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

• NAMI Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI

• GriefShare: www.griefshare.org

• Local grief therapists and community circles